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If Only I

from Terrarium by Paul Kotheimer

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lyrics

So, for twenty-some years I’ve been writing this song: “If Only I…”
Yes, and twenty-some years wouldn’t seem half as long if only I
hadn’t worked and reworked it a million times, wrong. If only I…
If only I…

hadn’t spent all that money on cheap cabernet. If only I
hadn’t stammered and stuttered when I knew what to say, or if only I
had kept my big mouth shut and just walked away. If only I…
If only I…

could’ve done just what’s needed and then left it be. If only I
hadn’t slipped on the patio and messed up my knee. If only I
hadn’t yelled at my poor kid. God, he was only three. If only I…
If only I…

hadn’t smoked cigarettes for like 96 years. If only I
hadn’t wasted all that energy grinding my gears. If only I
hadn’t got so bogged down in my worries and fears. If only I…
If only I…

could have seen who was just using me as a pawn.
If I could fix this damn mower I’d mow the damn lawn.
I could have told Pop I loved him, before he was gone,
if only I…
If only I…

Now, I could pile on more verses, as I’m sure that you know. If only I
could get back down to sleep for an hour or so. If only I
could just once figure out how to let it all go. If only I…
If only I…
If only I…

credits

from Terrarium, released March 13, 2019
Harmonium and vocal, plus upright bass, percussion, piano, and two mandolins by PK, recorded at home, in the living room and dining room. Rehearsal takes recorded by Mark Wyman at ToneGood studios. Early-stage mix consultation by Karthik Kakarala.

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Paul Kotheimer Urbana, Illinois

For well over 30 years now, Paul Kotheimer has been writing songs. And then recording them. And then putting them together into albums.
At first, way way back in the actual 1980s, he used a cassette player and a microphone from Radio Shack. Now he's the proprietor of Pillow Monster Home Studio, complete with lots of musical instruments and recording gear and one actual pillow monster. YAY MUSIC! ... more

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