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You don't have to be perfect to fulfill your dream

by Paul Kotheimer

/
1.
If you don’t mind, I’ll hang around until the party starts. I promise, I won’t make a sound until the party starts. I’ll go upstairs and not come down until the party starts. And when the party starts I’ll pack up and go home. I’ll just be in your favorite chair until the party starts, or I’ll just wash and dye my hair until the party starts. I’ll just be waiting over there until the party starts. And when the party starts you’ll find me back at home. ‘Cause when the party starts the guests will laugh and dance and drink Prosecco 'til the dawn, and there might be party snacks on rented tables and beanbags out for tossing on the lawn. And probably everybody’s little kids’ll be there getting in everybody’s hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t miss it for the world I’ll try to be there. If you don’t mind, I’ll hang around until the party starts. I promise, I won’t make a sound until the party starts. I’ll go upstairs and not come down until the party starts. And when the party starts I’ll see you back at home.
2.
Here is a standard issue ball-point pen. And here are the million zillion insects and their incessant experimental drone thing. And here is the music of the whenever, the music of the ever now and of the atmosphere and you can't make it, and that's okay. Or rather, you can't make it alone and why would you want to, after all? The standard-issue ball point pen is ubiquitous. It can't be privatized. And the million-zillion-insect drone thing may be the latest thing. Yeah, everbody might be into it. But it doesn't give a shit. They'll go on after us. We're just the opening act. Here's a standard-issue ball point.
3.
Class of '86 02:57
"The Advancement Office and the Alumni Association cordially invite you to join in the celebration at the 30th year class reunion of the Class of Nineteen Eighty-Six…" --You are eating chicken salad with a spoon as you read this. "We will fondly remember your asymmetrical synth pop undercut hair stylings and how you wore an extra wide-gauge breakdance shoelace as a very skinny tie. You will be greeted warmly by faculty members who openly bullied you during the Reagan administration." --You currently have colleagues, talented colleagues, who weren't even born yet when there was a smoking section on school grounds, for the students, and an avocado green rotary dial wall-mounted telephone in the kitchen back home; and on that phone, and on that phone, you could call up Maria DiStanza and have grave disagreements about the lyrics to songs by the Smiths and make plans to maybe meet up Friday night at Teen Night… (Shout out to Field's Teen Night: 104th and Cicero). The twenty-first century, and the nineteen nineties before it, have been O.K. to you: You have good taste in beer. You have a spouse who loves you this time. Your teenager doesn't despise you. Nobody's pressuring you to be more ambitious, eat more nutritious, be less conspicuous, or have another baby, or go someplace tedious on vacation this year. Most of the light switches in your home still work. Your friends are good-hearted people, not those tragically misguided humans who punch each other in the crush for half-price giant flat screen TVs the day after Thanksgiving. The Class of Eighty-Six won't mind if you sit this one out, I think. --Do black patent leather shoes really reflect an image of your underpants if you're wearing a Catholic school uniform skirt? If there's anyone left who cares about this question, I hope they're not still choosing the curriculum for Sophomore year English class… Class of Eighty-Six. Class of Eighty-Six. Class of Eighty-Six. Class of Eighty-Six.
4.
Let's put a raging narcissist in charge of everything--
 What could possibly go wrong?
 And let's evict all of the journalists who work in the West Wing--
 What could possibly go wrong?
 Oh, AND: The Russians just might have him, like a puppet on a string, but What could possibly go wrong?
 Let's replace the Secret Service with his private guard detail.
 And keep his business dealings all in place--Too big to fail.
 His crowds keep chanting, "Throw all of those libtard cucks in jail!"
 But what could possibly go wrong? When the Attorney General represents the Old Confederacy,
 What could possibly go wrong?
 The Education Secretary can't define "proficiency," but What could possibly go wrong?
 Meanwhile, Our Leader keeps moonlighting on reality TV (on NBC)--
 What could possibly go wrong? 
His financial partners get the scoop on every meet & greet.
 He doesn't know what "Fiat" means. That's why he rules by tweet.
 Check out that golden toilet in his mid-town penthouse suite! 
What could possibly go wrong? His chief of staff explains there are alternatives to facts, and if you disagree, you're nothing but fake news. He's said he has a great relationship with, quote, "The Blacks," and The Hispanics, and The Immigrants, and his son-in-law, and Steve Bannon. --It's complicated. So, first things first: Eliminate all funding for the arts--
 What could possibly go wrong? 
The incidence of hate crimes of all kinds is off the charts--
 What could possibly go wrong?
 And the supreme court has a vacant seat to fill right when he starts 
(How convenient!) -- What could possibly go wrong?
 The Japanese internment camps we had in World War Two--
 They set a precedent, we think, for what we'll need to do. 
It's just a database this time. Those boxcars aren't for YOU.
 What could possibly go wrong? With "total allegiance," what could possibly go wrong? 

5.
“Southpaw, the moon was tacked up too far away, so, Southpaw, I took it down a notch or two, & Southpaw, I swaddled up that moon in bubble wrap and sealed it up and mailed it off to you —from 61801 or -2. “Eugene, I’m messaging you this photograph to prove I’m going to the mailbox now, & Eugene, I hope that this note finds you and it finds you well. I can’t imagine how. I can’t imagine how.” “Southpaw, you might have written back to me, but as far as I can tell, your letter never came. Southpaw, I’ll send you off a little paragraph of lies detected on a polygraph the aftermath of which is just the same ( —Is “Southpaw” your real name?)” “—Wait. Of course not. [ : : “Eugene, I’m wishing you tranquility. Eugene, I’m wishing you the Sea — of Tranquility. And if you ever come home again by flying machine, um, don’t even think about me.”
6.
1.) I am a lonely sea serpent. My scales are all shiny and green. You may ask, --Hey, Lonely Sea Serpent, what's your scene? --I mean… There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Doesn't that go for sea serpents, too? And if you're such a lonely sea serpent, well, maybe it's you. B.) Haven't you heard there's an app for that? Just log yourself in to Sea Serpent Chat. The seven seas are literally brimming with mythical creatures all searching for you and for fun things to do on a Saturday, too. 2.) --Yeah, but no. I'm a lonely sea serpent. I don't need to find friendship online. There are plenty of solitary sea serpents, you know, and that's fine. It's fine. We don't need to connect with a peer group. We don't need to hook up for a date. Our reproduction is hermaphroditic. We don't even mate. Hey, don't knock it. It's great! C.) Look, I get it. Land masses are crowded. It's not like the ocean with nothing but ocean as far as you can see. And when you're a mammal, especially a primate, you might have evolved with a deep-seated craving for camaraderie. But do me a favor and don't project that whole social cohesion thing onto a lonely sea serpent like me! Yes, I am a lonely sea serpent. And now that I've told you my deal, Guys, when someone says, "LEAVE ME ALONE," on a bus or at a bar, just do it. For real.

about

Six songs recorded mostly at home by PAUL KOTHEIMER.

credits

released February 12, 2018

Vibraphone and drum kit on “What could possibly go wrong?” by Cody Jensen, recorded in a practice room at Smith Hall, with engineering assistance from Morgan Orion Reisman. Violin by Amanda Ramey and Wurlitzer electric piano by PK on “Eugene - Southpaw” recorded at Perennial Sound Studios, Ryan Groff engineer & proprietor. All other instruments and vocals by PK. Written, arranged, performed, recorded, mixed, mastered, produced, photographed, designed, packaged, rubber stamped, and assembled by PK. These recordings feature the 120-year-old Estey upright piano in our dining room.

FIRST PRESSING February 2018 - Happy 16th birthday, Sage.

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Paul Kotheimer Urbana, Illinois

For well over 30 years now, Paul Kotheimer has been writing songs. And then recording them. And then putting them together into albums.
At first, way way back in the actual 1980s, he used a cassette player and a microphone from Radio Shack. Now he's the proprietor of Pillow Monster Home Studio, complete with lots of musical instruments and recording gear and one actual pillow monster. YAY MUSIC!
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