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Ballad Of The Benjamin [piano and vocal version]

from My Message by Paul Kotheimer

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lyrics

The night shift manager, that dick-weed.
--We almost got into a fight.
He said that we should keep the whole thing to ourselves,
and we said, "No way, Trevor. Man, it just ain't right."
No one knows for sure when it was left here.
It might have just been a mistake.
I personally came this close to ripping it in half
because, I mean, how could it not have been a fake?

But then I stopped. It had that money paper feel.
I said, "Hey, wait! You guys, this Benjamin is REAL."
That's right. It was a
hundred dollar bill in the tip-jar.
It was a hundred dol-lar bill in the tip-jar!

One co-worker jumped clear across the counter.
The others scoffed in disbelief.
But when it sank in that we had this hundred dollar tip,
we huddled round and started to debrief:
Like: “Maybe Ms. Half-Caf Cappuccino--
You know, the lady with the coat and all those rings.”
“--Or could be that law school guy who’s always giving you the eye
And lecturing us on the finer things.”

"Or, how 'bout Mister Double-Shot with Eyebrows?"
"That guy? No. I bet it was that couple that wears white."
"Aw yeah. That's who it was, I bet." "Wait. What? Ya think?"
"--Well, don't forget: that couple hasn't been in here all night."
--And so we speculated all shift long
without a clue as to who was right and who was wrong about who left us that
hundred dollar bill in the tip jar.
There was a hundred dollar bill in the tip jar.

As you might guess, my story has an ending.
You might imagine it does not end well.
You might think that this sudden pulse of vast and untold riches
Sends all of us poor baristas straight to hell.
Well, the truth is that our C-note landed safely
in our all-staff gratuity account,
And every one of us who works at the Fifth Street Espresso Hut
got an even cut, a fair and square amount.

Let's see: A hundred bucks. Divide by 33.
That's 3 dollars and 3 point 03 cents for me
and each one of my colleagues from that
hundred dollar bill in the tip jar!
There really was a hundred dollar bill in the tip jar.
And that's the story of the hundred dollar bill in the tip jar.

credits

from My Message, released September 1, 2014
Piano and vocal by PK. Recorded at home some time in 2016.

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all rights reserved

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Paul Kotheimer Urbana, Illinois

For well over 30 years now, Paul Kotheimer has been writing songs. And then recording them. And then putting them together into albums.
At first, way way back in the actual 1980s, he used a cassette player and a microphone from Radio Shack. Now he's the proprietor of Pillow Monster Home Studio, complete with lots of musical instruments and recording gear and one actual pillow monster. YAY MUSIC! ... more

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